GROWING YOUR OWN SELF-CARE PRACTISE
“I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent, caring for myself is an act of survival”
Audre Lorde, American writer, feminist & civil rights leader
I know that when self-care is talked about, it can get a few eye rolls. Probably because the word can get over-used, and because we think it’s self-indulgent or lazy or selfish or superficial. We often feel guilty about the thought of taking time for ourselves.I think this is because self-care was rarely modelled for us. How often did you see your mum, or other caregivers, take time for themselves? To make sure that they felt well and rested and able to cope with what was going on in their lives? Or did you, like me, see your parents push through without slowing down? And if you didn’t see it modelled for you, if you weren’t shown what self-care really meant, then of course it feels like a bit of an alien concept.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
But this stuff is important!
As busy career women, entrepreneurs or working mums, it can often drop right down the list. There are so many other things to do, other people to take care of and check in on. Whether that’s work deadlines, sorting out the kids, running a household, looking after elderly relatives, and trying to stay on top of your emails and whatsapp messages. It’s a lot. And as cheesy as it sounds, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
So if you neglect your self-care, it won’t take long before you’re starting to feel overwhelmed, resentful and exhausted. Which is especially common at this time of year.
Self-care helps restore us, it boosts our resilience and helps us tap into our best self and achieve all the things we want to. It improves resilience, helps you manage stress and burnout, and some studies even say it helps you live longer. It helps you flourish. It energises and recharges you.
It's the very opposite of selfish, because when we are the best version of ourselves, when we look after ourselves, we show up for others in our lives with more patience and kindness. And contrary to popular belief it doesn’t have to take hours and hours, unless of course you want it to. Ultimately it helps you and your wellbeing, and if you don’t have that, really what do you have?
Done right, self-care is a hugely empowering practise. Knowing yourself and what you need, then meeting those needs builds self-trust and self-respect, both vital for empowering yourself.
There are 3 key pillars to think about for developing an effective & empowering self-care practise:⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Self-connection & awareness: This is vital, you have to be able to check in with yourself and identify how you are feeling and what you need. You have to know what it is you need so you can give it to yourself. Listen to what your body needs and how it reacts and you’ll start to trust your intuition. A simple way to do this is to stop what you're doing and take a few deep belly breaths. Close your eyes and put one hand over your heart. Ask yourself, how do I feel right now? How is my body feeling? Take some more deep breaths and just notice what comes up.
Self-compassion: when you identify your needs, don’t berate or judge yourself, treat yourself with the same compassion and kindness as you would your best friend or a child. If they acknowledged and communicated their needs, you wouldn’t tell them to wait until the weekend or to man up, so don’t do the same to yourself.
Self-respect: Honour the needs you identified, you deserve to be looked after and nurtured and take action to meet the needs you identified. Make yourself a priority, not the last thing on the list if there’s time. ⠀
Once you have identified your needs, you can pick the self-care activities that can best support you. On the next page are some ideas to get you started. Of course, it may take some experimentation especially if you’re new to this game
And remember, as ‘self’ is at the heart of this, your self-care plan will need adjusting depending on what’s going on in your life. Sometimes it may be about relaxing practices, and at other times it may be about setting boundaries and saying no to the stuff that doesn’t serve you. Both are equally important
Don’t forget, it’s not supposed to be perfect. It doesn’t matter if you can’t meditate for 20 mins a day – if meditation is what you want and need today and all you can fit in is 2 minutes, then that is enough.
There are four different areas of self-care. When you have identified your needs, pick the self-care activities that can best support you. These are just some ideas to get you started, make sure you pick things that work for you.
